Attitude Adjustment – The Secret Difference Between Success and Failure

positive attitude No Responses »
Oct 132010

Ever wonder why some people always appear to be genuinely cheerful and happy and others don’t? Of course we all have our moments but when we meet these perpetually sunny individuals while we are experiencing a bit of a drought for those positive vibes the clash of energy almost serves to further irritate us, doesn’t it?  It almost seems as though they are somehow blessed with attributes that are not available to the rest of us mere mortals. Have you ever stopped to really consider why that is?

The truth is blessings, luck and fate has nothing to do with it. The secret to acquiring and maintaining a positive attitude is intent and the good news is anyone can master this if they choose to. It’s a lifestyle choice just as surely as those inspired people on the Biggest Loser Show choose to do something about their weight and during the process of overcoming their problem they change their lifestyle and habits and maintain their success after the program ends. Or perhaps you know someone who has survived a heart attack who chooses to adopt a more active and healthier way of life. Or the workaholic who one day realizes being a part of her family’s life is more important than money decides to take a lesser paying job to spend more time with those she loves. The list is long when you stop to think about it and the message is clear.

Although it takes conscious persistent effort to change your attitude the delicious truth and simple secret difference between success and failure is CHOICE. You have the power to take control over your feelings and how your life evolves every minute of every day if you choose to. You decide if the glass is half full or almost empty.

At first glance the benefits of a positive attitude may seem simplistic and inconsequential, but the impact it can have in your life and the long- term benefits are substantial.

Here are just some of the benefits that can occur as a result of a positive attitude:

  1.  You will have higher self esteem with a strong belief in yourself and what you are capable of resulting in less fear of new challenges.
  2. When you are positive you are more likely to recover from life’s temporary setbacks quicker.
  3. Because you are positive you are likely to be more motivated to achieve your goals.
  4. Positive people look for positive aspects and opportunities when problems arise.
  5. Positive people are good motivators and consequently good leaders.
  6. Positive people handle stress better which leads to better health and a longer life.
  7. Positive people are more pleasant to be around.
  8. Positive people generally have more energy and creativity.

 

You see, people with a positive attitude really are happier than those who have slipped into a pattern of thinking negatively. Continuing to focus on everything that is wrong and feeling guilty for not being able to fix it will never lead to a positive attitude. Stop beating yourself up and use these three steps to get started on the path to a positive attitude today.

1)      Make the conscious and deliberate decision to be positive. If you are going to succeed you need to take this effort seriously.

  1.  It is always helpful to have a partner to support you but if you choose to do it alone tell someone close to you what you are doing. Ask for their support in ways that will help you. Perhaps they could let you know when you are being negative or be there to help you pivot out of a negative mood when you are having a bad day.
  2. As with any goal write out your intention “I choose to be positive” and place it where you can see it often. You might want to put it on an index card, post it on your computer or in the front of the day timer if you carry one.
  3. Commit to a specific time frame and decide how you will track your progress and how you will know if you have succeeded.
  4. Schedule small or large, (even better) rewards for yourself to keep you motivated.

2)      Reduce the stress in your life! A tall order for some, I know, but try to start your program when you are not “overbooked and understaffed” as I like to say! Regardless of what you are trying to achieve it is easier to accomplish if you don’t feel like you are being chased by a pack of wolves throughout your day.

3)      Surround yourself with positive people. This sounds so trite but it really is important. Each of us has people in our lives that tend to suck our energy and those who seem to bolster us up. Try to spend as much time in the company of and speaking with those who always seem to make you laugh and feel good!

  1. Plan a weekly coffee clutch or even a three way phone call with your most positive friends. Pick a subject like sharing the funniest thing that happened this week or the nicest things that were said to each of you.
  2. Organize a book club and choose a really funny or positive book to discuss each week or month.
  3. How long has it been since you planned a progressive dinner with your positive friends?
  4. How about a hike that ends with a picnic? Exercise is wonderful for the body and mind!

Thinking positively takes a lot less energy than the alternative. They say it takes 21 days to create a habit. Start today and at the end of three weeks you could be in the habit of thinking positively. Something wonderful occurs when one thinks positively; you begin to see possibilities everywhere!

Posted by Deborah Hayes at 1:17 pm Tagged with: , , , ,

Positive Attitude and Staying Fired Up

positive attitude 1 Response »
Oct 132010

When I was young my mother used to repeat a familiar saying… “Birds of a feather all flock together.” Generally she used this saying when she did not want me to date a certain person. Someone she felt was too old for me, or too wild, or too whatever!   Of course I thought she was just being strict and didn’t really know what she was talking about but when I became a mother all that old fashioned advice suddenly made perfect sense. In fact it was then when I realized how many times she saved me from taking a wrong path. Sound familiar? Of course we may chuckle at some of the advice we were given “back then” but a lot of what we were told is literally ‘golden’ and apparently timeless.

The truth is what we surround ourselves with, from people to thoughts, is what we become and it has a big impact on our attitude and mood.    Such sound and simple advice we freely give to our children and yet, as adults, it’s easy to forget the significance it holds for us.

For instance, years ago when I was learning to play golf I played with people who were much better than I. In fact I often wound up playing with a scratch golfer. Later, my golf mates became people who were more at my level and the difference in my game was apparent. On the days I played with the better golfers my game was markedly better. The next week when I joined my contemporaries, my game and score were worse.

It’s not just sports; think of groups and friends you have shared time with and recall how your interests and vocabulary eventually matched theirs as you became ‘one of the groups.’

This is not rocket science. It is the reason you become bored when you join your husband or mate’s working friends for a night out. Somehow they are engrossed in discussions about their job, industry and people you don’t know and you are absolutely bored to tears and vice versa when he joins you with your girlfriends or workmates.

So we know this but how is it that most of the time we don’t notice when things or people are sucking our energy and lowering our enthusiasm?

As an experiment, the next time you happen to notice you aren’t motivated and are having trouble staying positive take a day and consciously notice the negativity you are encountering. On the day you choose, either take a recorder or make a point to STOP during the day and note who and what is negative.

  • Is it someone who constantly has a negative comeback for everything you comment on?
  • Is it spending time with someone who is self depreciating? Trying to pump someone up who is simultaneously trying to drag you down to their energy level is drain-ing!
  • Is it a place that you may or may not have to spend time in that is full of sad or negative people?
  • Is it music you happen to be listening to on a regular basis?
  • Is it television? (don’t get me started)

Take notes on this day and see just how much negativity you are exposing yourself to and what it’s doing to your attitude. What are you saying to yourself as a result?

Now for the last part of the experiment, on the very next day plan a power positive day. Make a commitment and conscious effort to surround yourself only with the people and things that bring you joy.

  • Make a date with one or two of your most fun and positive friends.
  • Pick up or rent a couple of feel good movies that are your favorites.
  • Purposely listen to music that makes you want to move and feel good. Upbeat stuff.
  • Plan to do one exercise activity on this day as well, even a short walk.
  • Make it a point to visit a special gallery, park or store you love to browse in.
  • Read an inspiring book or finally tackle that creative craft or project you’ve been planning.

Expose yourself to as much positive energy as you can on this day. Then make notes about how you feel and what your attitude and energy level are on this day and compare the two.

These days our worlds are complicated and busy. So much so that we fail to hear or notice the negativity that surrounds us and the subtle symptoms we experience as our energy and attitude lower. Rare is the person who can withstand being surrounded with negative energy and still maintain a positive perspective. Of course it’s impossible to completely avoid every negative person or environment. However if you want to stay fired up and maintain a positive attitude be aware and careful of the kind of energy you’re subjecting yourself to. Balance the negative with healthy and strong doses of positive thoughts, people and activities. This conscious effort will help you to develop and maintain your positive attitude!

Posted by Deborah Hayes at 1:14 pm Tagged with: , ,

How to Transform a Bad Day into a Better Day

motivation No Responses »
Oct 132010

Need some inspiration? Last week I ran into several friends who were going through challenging times and feeling blue. We all have our days and those certain times in our lives that can feel like a struggle. We may not be able to quickly change the circumstance but we can most certainly change how we react to it.  Sitting around thinking about how awful everything is will only make you feel worse. The quicker you change your frame of mind, the quicker your life will change direction.

Break the pattern. Have you ever noticed when you’re depressed your life shrinks down to a series of mundane tasks? Most people I know stop doing anything but what is absolutely necessary to get through the day which only creates more time to think about what is depressing them. Here are 6 ideas to break the pattern and motivate you to start feeling better fast:

  1. Change your normal pattern first thing in the morning. If you normally listen to TV in the morning, turn on your favorite uplifting music. If you normally listen to music try something with a different beat or style.
  2. Exercise first thing in the morning even if you only have five or ten minutes; walk, stretch, dance or dust off one of your forgotten exercise videos.
  3.  Dream. While you have your coffee or morning drink take a sheet of paper and write down what your ideal life would look like. Then make a list of things you can do to move toward that goal. If it’s a new career, plan to research a school or course around it. If it’s a new location, get on the internet and research the Chamber of Commerce in the area and discover more about it. Make a plan to find out more about whatever it is you dream of doing. Each day make plan to do more toward achieving your goal or dream. Keep a notebook on your research and progress.  
  4. What are you reading? Plan a trip to the book store and find something to read that inspires and absorbs you. What you put in your mind is what comes out in your life.
  5.   Laugh. Remember a funny incident that always makes you laugh and write it down. Scan through your emails and find some of those funny videos your friends have sent you.  Make a funny video of your pet and keep it handy. I taped my dog’s “we’re going on a walk” dance. It never ceases to amaze me how she can be that excited over the same thing every single day. It is the physical definition of glee and the dance and vocals span my entire house.
  6. Pull out a video or photos of your favorite memory, Christmas, a reunion or whatever makes you feel good. Take your photos with you and look at them throughout your day. When you are remembering something happy and pleasant, it’s impossible to be sad at the same time.

 

Misery loves company. Surround yourself with positive people and vow not to talk about your issue while you’re with them. Positive energy is contagious.  Catch some now and don’t wash your hands after you touch it!

“Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but how we react to what happens; not by what life brings us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst a spark that creates extraordinary results.”
– UNKNOWN

 

Posted by Deborah Hayes at 1:12 pm Tagged with: , , ,

Want a Positive Attitude? You’ll Need to Change Your Habits

positive attitude No Responses »
Oct 132010

It’s not enough to want change, you have to take risks. You have to be prepared and motivated enough to leave the comfort of what you know and move willingly into that very scary place… the unknown.

Yikes! That sounds ominous doesn’t it? It really isn’t all that scary but there are some very real hurdles one needs to overcome.

One of those hurdles to successfully making a habit change is the fear of taking a risk. Not the bungee jump off a cliff kind of risk… well maybe that wouldn’t hurt but actually I’m talking about  another kind of risk.

This kind of risk makes you uncomfortable in your core identity.  Like suddenly losing your go to, I’m fine here, I know this place and everything that happens here is ok if not spectacular, no surprises kind of comfort level that over the years is the mental place you have lived in. Yes, that would be stepping out of your comfort zone and staying there.

I used to think it was just me but I have since discovered there are actual studies that show when a decision is difficult, most people will go with the status quo or choose to do nothing. And you know, when I read about this it made perfect sense to me. In fact this very principle happens to me daily; I am guessing if you think about it you have encountered this too.

As an example, my wireless contract has expired and the offer for newer, trickier gadget laden phones has appeared on my cell phone three times now. Each time I consider it, realize I don’t totally understand the differences in the new phones and the dread of having to learn how to work the new phone enters my mind. Guess what I do? I quickly think my phone still works, I know how to work it and I just don’t want to have to deal with it right now; and I do nothing! This process takes about 3 minutes. Sound familiar?

Now think about this process when you are trying to change a part of your personality that has been your comfort zone for years. Really think about what it would take to decide and commit to changing something as central to “who you are” as your attitude!

Now this is hard, or at least it has been for me. I have tackled a number of bad habits, large and small, including working on being a more positive person over the past few years and here is what I discovered that has made a difference for me:

You need to be clear about what you want to change. Take the time to write your vision of what life or ‘you’ will be like when you complete this change. What will the advantages be and exactly how will your life change.  Make sure this change is what YOU want and you are not doing it for someone else. If you don’t own it you will have a difficult time hanging on to it!  

 It takes serious commitment.  You need to really really want this change, believe that it will make your life better and understand the reasons why you want this.  Write these down and keep them handy so you can refer to them when you might want to slip. You need a support system. Tell someone your plan; enlist a friend or someone to be your accountability partner.

You need to plan. Decide when you will begin and when you will know you have succeeded. Consider what obstacles you will encounter and WRITE a plan to overcome EACH obstacle. This is an important part of the plan. How will you deal with the overwhelming desire to retreat back to your comfort zone when you begin to feel the pressure of being out of the zone?   How you will stop yourself, realize its happening and work through it so you don’t simply revert back to the status quo!

Track your progress daily. If you are not committed enough to take the time to write your progress down you are probably not committed enough to make it happen. You need to invest your time and effort. Keep a Journal, spreadsheet or whatever works for you and keep it positive.  Maintain your motivation with plenty of rewards. By the way, some of the best rewards cost nothing!

Here is what I found is most important. Be gentle with yourself. Realize that you are not perfect and when you do slip up, it’s OK. The important thing is to learn from the experience, why you fell off and try again. Consider why you slipped, add this to your obstacle list and plan a way to overcome this if it happens again.  Go back to the reasons you want this and get back on track as soon as possible. If you fall off, don’t wait another week. Get back to your plan quickly. Reward yourself for going back and don’t waste time and energy on beating yourself up. When you feel bad about yourself you are not likely to succeed.

Changing habits isn’t as hard as you think if you are truly committed and have a plan. You can do this. Once you replace your negative habit with a new positive habit it becomes the go to comfort zone and you will no longer feel uncomfortable there.

Posted by Deborah Hayes at 1:07 pm Tagged with: , , ,

LIFE GOALS - WHERE DO ‘YOU’ WANT TO GO?

happiness No Responses »
Oct 132010

I believe the essence of life is to have a dream or a goal. Actively pursuing something of importance is the very thing that will make you feel alive, young, stimulated and happy. A person without a dream or a life goal is OLD, whether your age is  20 or 100.  I’m not talking about goals to sell more houses or achieve a higher position in the company you work for. These aspirations are wonderful and certainly have a place in our lives but I’m talking about “heart dreams.” Something that feels right when you are doing it; something you would do simply for the love of it if you could.   

 Maybe it’s working with animals, writing and publishing a children’s book or the poems you love to write. Maybe it’s building a shelter, changing a law, teaching horseback riding to children, creating the perfect secret garden in your back yard or turning your love of gardening into a full or part time job. Maybe it’s taking a loved one or yourself to the homeland of your parents or to live on the water on a boat.

We have become so accustomed to society telling us what to expect and want. We have been cautioned to plan, be realistic and careful and somewhere along the way we may have lost a viable dream.  When I ask friends what their dreams are for the most part their answers are surprisingly vague. Instead of hearing passion I hear resignation and what they believe to be realistic and achievable. When I ask what they love, the conversation is entirely different. This is when I see and hear passion. The more they talk of what they love the more animated and enthusiastic they become.

When I ask what happened to these dreams and why they haven’t acted on them there is always a “but”. I love animals but you can’t make money working with animals unless you are a vet. I love the water but… I love to travel but… I love to cook but…  When you allow yourself to dream and leave the “but” out of it amazing possibilities will surface.

“To reach a port, we must sail – sail, not tie at anchor – sail, not drift.”
– FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT

Here are some tips on untying the anchor:

  1. The first and most important part, know what you want. I think it helps to brainstorm with a supportive friend. Whether you brainstorm with someone or alone, remember, your dreams don’t have to be realistic. Brainstorming is about letting your ideas and passions flow.
  2. Once you have uncovered your dream or passion, begin to research it. Look for articles, schools and books on the subject. Make contact with someone who is doing what you love. Volunteer in your spare time. When you immerse yourself in what you love, doors will open and people to help you will appear. 
  3. Remember, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You may find variations of your dream that are satisfying and you might find yourself moving in more than one direction. Stay open.
  4. It’s the journey that is the most satisfying. Have you noticed the people who are the happiest and most positive are the ones who love what they do? Keep your momentum going and track your goals and progress; your plan and dream will evolve.  

 

Here are some inspiring examples of people I have known or read about that dared to find their passion;

  • I knew a woman who took tango lessons. She found she loved it and it turned into a passion. She became really good at it, found a dance partner, built a tango pavilion in her back yard and amassed a group of tango dancing friends in Europe and all across the country.  When I spoke to her thereafter she was enviably alive, young, interesting and interested.

 

  • I read the story about Nola Ochs on MSNBC who graduated from college with her granddaughter at the tender age of 95.

 

  • Or perhaps you remember watching the 2008 Heroes awards program. I was inspired when I watched the original airing and found reading the stories online again even more motivating. Your dreams are not insignificant and unachievable. Read these stories and you will see how believing in and pursuing your dreams can enrich your life and the lives of others.

 

Time is our most precious commodity. Find your passion, live your dreams today, tomorrow may be too late.

“Don’t do nothing because you can’t do everything.  Do something.  Anything.”

Colleen Patrick-Goudreau

Posted by Deborah Hayes at 1:01 pm Tagged with: , ,
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