I know; it’s been talked about to death. It’s in any of the hundreds of books on positive attitude, self esteem, motivation or happiness and we all know what it is. It’s about paying attention to what we say to ourselves and what we think. Whenever we are awake we are thinking. These thoughts become private subliminal messages and conversations that only we can hear. Since we have been thinking since birth it becomes automatic, like breathing, swallowing or moving about. It is a habit and we no longer recognize how or when we do it. We talk to ourselves every waking moment without consciously hearing what we are saying. It’s like living near a freeway; after a period of time we don’t hear the traffic unless we’re consciously listen for it.
When a subject is written and spoken about so much it becomes something we skim. When we see something more on the subject we believe we know what it is and if we read about it at all we think, oh right, that’s the self talk thing. Good idea and I’ll have to do that sometime but right now I have to conquer the world, plan the party or family gathering, get through this meeting or figure out how I’m going to replace what I lost out of my 401k and off we go.
There is a reason this subject is brought up every time self esteem is talked or written about.
If you are attempting to improve your self esteem, attitude and life it is very important that you actively take notice of what you are saying to yourself and why.
Once you do, it is an excellent indicator of your perceived self worth and what you are attracting into your life. If you’re not in the habit of monitoring what you regularly say to yourself here are some examples that might make it easier to identify.
What did you say to yourself the last time you were;
- Preparing your resume.
- On your way to an interview.
- Driving home from the interview.
- About to give a presentation at a meeting.
- Preparing for a blind date.
- Opening an invitation to a pool party.
- Attending a gathering where you only know the hosts.
It seems it is easiest to hear and recall our self talk when we are doing something we are uncomfortable with.
I think we all agree that in order to change anything you must first acknowledge that it exists. I also think that in order to create the enthusiasm needed to make a sincere effort to change we need to believe that it is possible. While I was exploring “self talk” I was surprised to learn the depth of scientific research on this subject and the impressive findings on the potential of the brain to literally change. (Even old brains!) I read and listened to a large amount of information on habits, self talk, the brain, and here is a synopsis of what I discovered that reinforced my belief in the power of self talk.
- The brain is like a computer.
- From the moment you take your first breath it absorbs all the information received from your five senses and stores it.
- Like a computer, it doesn’t question or evaluate the information you put into your computer.
- Repeated messages create pathways in the brain; the more you repeat the message the bigger the pathway becomes.
- The largest pathways become the programs you use.
When you Think- it triggers a Thought – which triggers a Mood – which triggers an Action
- Those programs you have created through repeated messages are the instructions your brain sends you on how to respond.
- The best information I discovered is that new pathways and programs can be created at anytime through repetition.
Positive self talk is not just a trend, it is very powerful. What you say to yourself over and over becomes what your brain believes you to be. What you believe yourself to be is who you are.
Still not convinced? Even if you don’t believe the above information; let’s say you have been ordered to spend 30 days locked up in a house and you can bring one of two friends with you. One of your friends is sarcastic, always points out the negative side of any situation and is quick to point out ways you can improve. (For your own good, of course.) Your other friend consistently sees the positive side of your situation, expresses confidence in your decisions, abilities and always comments on how good you are. Which friend would you choose to spend your days of confinement with?
Now isn’t it exciting to know you have the ability to make dramatic changes in your life? It costs you nothing, you don’t need anyone’s help and you can start immediately! Commit right now to actively listen for those negative thoughts or statements about yourself. The moment you hear them stop and replace them with positive statements. You can use the tried and true method of popping a rubber band on your wrist when you make a negative statement about yourself but, I am a woman, I prefer a stretch bead bracelet, special necklace or anything pretty to touch for reinforcing the habit change in my mind.
While you’re at it reinforce your positive self talk each morning before you start off for your day. Stand in front of a mirror and find as many nice things to say about yourself as you can. Say them out loud. Set a number you are comfortable with and don’t leave the mirror until you have accomplished it. Start with 5 and work your way up to 10.
Make a tape of your positive statements and play them in the car or whenever you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself.
Write your positive statements on sticky notes and put them in places where you will find them throughout the day. Put one on the visor of your car, in your makeup bag, on the inside of a kitchen cabinet or any place that you frequent.
Get creative and come up with as many ways as you can to reinforce your positive self talk. Before you know it you won’t need the rubber band or bracelet, you will believe what you say and you will become what you believe; a more positive, confident, happier person.