Want a Positive Attitude: How Balanced is Your Life?

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May 162011

If your life is changing, you’re experiencing a transition or working on a personal goal it’s important to keep your attitude positive. During those times when we have multiple demands on our time and energy maintaining balance is an important part of the process! Take this quiz and see how well you are meeting responsibilities, while also recognizing and fulfilling your personal needs and wants.

Answer True or  False to the following questions:

1. The only way I can successfully manage my life is to take care of myself physically and emotionally.

2. Nurturing myself enlarges my capacity to help others.

3. I eat healthfully and exercise regularly.

4. I get check-ups, go to the dentist, and take preventative precautions.

5. I set aside personal, quiet time for myself, whether I’m meditating or simply letting my thoughts drift.

6. I experience the gifts of each season: ice skating, biking, bundled-up evening walks ; gardening, hiking, more time outside; camping, swimming, barbeques; harvesting the bounty, gathering wood, spending more time inside.

7. Creativity nurtures me, too. I do what I love, whether that’s cooking, drawing, painting, writing, dancing, singing or another creative pursuit.

8. Reaching out to others enriches my life. I spend quality time with family and friends.

9. Contributing to the world provides connection and purpose, so I give my time, energy and experience where it is most useful.

10. I notice and heed the emotional signals that tell me I’m out of balance: irritability, overwhelm, resentment.

11. If I feel that I’m catching a cold, I realize I may have stressed my immune system with over activity, so I stop and take care of myself.

12. When I need or want to, I say no to requests for my time.

13. I listen to and honor the requests my body makes for such things as a nap, a walk, green vegetables, hot soup.

14. If I have something planned for myself, I don’t just toss that aside when someone makes a request of me.

15. I’m busy, but I find time to do the things I want to do.

16. I’m happy. I regularly experience well-being, contentment, even joy.

If you answered false more often than true, you may want to take a look at the questions to which you answered false and see if you can incorporate something of its message into your life. Change happens whether we want it to or not. Don’t forget to take care of ‘you’. You’ll be happier, have a more positive attitude and be far more effective if you do.

Posted by Deborah Hayes at 9:17 pm Tagged with: , , ,

Positive Attitude - Take Responsibility for Your Success and Happiness

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Apr 072011

 

“When I’m trusting and being myself as fully as possible, everything in my life reflects this by falling into place easily, often miraculously.”–Shakti Gawain

Isn’t this so true? Think back and recall one of those days when the energy and good vibes were so powerful you could almost literally fly! We’ve all have days like this; when things just seem to get better and better, you feel happier and happier and your energy soars. If only we could bottle these days, right?

Well you don’t need to bottle them. They don’t come as a result of luck or circumstance. These sorts of days occur because of your thoughts. That’s right! Instead of trying to recapture the day event or time in your life when that memorable day and feeling occurred, why not try to remember the thoughts you repeated to yourself on that day and more importantly the days leading up to it. How did you envision it? Did you see yourself in the perfect outfit that made you feel fill in the blank? Did you day dream about walking into the room or down the aisle or throwing your flowers and laughing with your friends. I would be willing to bet that you spent a huge amount of time planning, thinking about and seeing exactly what you wanted to happen long before the actual magical day occurred.  Can you recall and write down 5 times in your life when a special memorable day occurred that was as close to perfect as it gets?

Here is mine:

1.      My second wedding (I know, my first wedding was wonderful too but honestly, my mom actually planned it and I was way too young to appreciate the moment.)

2.      The birth of my daughter

3.      The day I nailed the interview and job for my first new home sales position (I really wanted this position and was determined to not leave the interview without it)

4.      My daughter’s wedding

5.      My granddaughter’s birth and the ensuing relationship I have with her.

Is your list similar to mine at all? Now I know what you’re thinking; it probably goes something like this – Well sure, that’s not rocket science, each of those events required long term planning. Of course they likely turned out right. And to this I say “EXACTLY!”

For each of these events I knew exactly the outcome I wanted.

I spent hours and hours of time thinking about, visualizing or daydreaming what every little detail would look like, feel like and how each fit into the puzzle of my desired outcome.

I was crystal clear about what I wanted and what I would do to make it happen. In those hours and hours of thinking and planning I can assure you I did not think about the “what if’s, but I don’t or I’m not’s. Instead I saw myself in the dress my best friend and I designed and wearing my other friends mother’s mink hat slightly cocked over one eye. I saw myself in my big black hat and feather boa cutting my perfect cake while laughing and smiling into the eyes of my new husband. I saw myself glowing with pride as I watched my daughter blossom into the beautiful accomplished woman she is today. I saw myself sitting in front of my future broker who saw me as completely competent and perfectly capable of learning the job, even though I had no new home experience.  I saw myself holding my beautiful granddaughter in my arms and becoming the Nini she often calls to ask if I can come over to play.

Positive attitude…you actually have the power to control your emotions if you choose to and you do it all the time without even realizing it. Now imagine going about every one of your days in this manner. What would your days and life look like? Will all your days be perfect; probably not? But I can assure you the good days, successes and happy outcomes will far outweigh the bad days.

So how do you go about creating the daily habit of thinking positively? Here are 5 steps to get you started:

  • What we consistently think about is truly powerful and shapes every aspect of our lives. Take some time to learn about and recognize what you’re thinking, why and how is it affecting your outcomes. Understanding how you think is the first step to changing your attitude. Make sure your desire to do so is sincere.
  • As you become aware of your thought patterns be willing and ready to alter your behaviors.
  • Think and daydream about the things you want occurring in the most favorable manner. There are often two outcomes pictured in your mind. Always choose to look at the one that most clearly depicts what you want. Be willing to allow that picture to change and expand.
  • When negative thoughts occur learn to be aware of them and consciously change that thought process to a more positive direction.
  • Understand that negative thinking is nothing more than a habit. Changing a habit is not difficult but does take time and consistent effort. Don’t allow yourself to become discouraged and revert back to your negative patterns. Stay with it and it will soon become your new habit of thinking positively!

You see it really is true… when you believe in yourself and your dreams as fully as possible they really do have a way of falling into place easily, effortlessly and often miraculously and it is the difference in a small safe life and a bigger grander experience!

Posted by Deborah Hayes at 4:40 pm Tagged with: , ,

Attitude Adjustment – The Secret Difference Between Success and Failure

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Oct 132010

Ever wonder why some people always appear to be genuinely cheerful and happy and others don’t? Of course we all have our moments but when we meet these perpetually sunny individuals while we are experiencing a bit of a drought for those positive vibes the clash of energy almost serves to further irritate us, doesn’t it?  It almost seems as though they are somehow blessed with attributes that are not available to the rest of us mere mortals. Have you ever stopped to really consider why that is?

The truth is blessings, luck and fate has nothing to do with it. The secret to acquiring and maintaining a positive attitude is intent and the good news is anyone can master this if they choose to. It’s a lifestyle choice just as surely as those inspired people on the Biggest Loser Show choose to do something about their weight and during the process of overcoming their problem they change their lifestyle and habits and maintain their success after the program ends. Or perhaps you know someone who has survived a heart attack who chooses to adopt a more active and healthier way of life. Or the workaholic who one day realizes being a part of her family’s life is more important than money decides to take a lesser paying job to spend more time with those she loves. The list is long when you stop to think about it and the message is clear.

Although it takes conscious persistent effort to change your attitude the delicious truth and simple secret difference between success and failure is CHOICE. You have the power to take control over your feelings and how your life evolves every minute of every day if you choose to. You decide if the glass is half full or almost empty.

At first glance the benefits of a positive attitude may seem simplistic and inconsequential, but the impact it can have in your life and the long- term benefits are substantial.

Here are just some of the benefits that can occur as a result of a positive attitude:

  1.  You will have higher self esteem with a strong belief in yourself and what you are capable of resulting in less fear of new challenges.
  2. When you are positive you are more likely to recover from life’s temporary setbacks quicker.
  3. Because you are positive you are likely to be more motivated to achieve your goals.
  4. Positive people look for positive aspects and opportunities when problems arise.
  5. Positive people are good motivators and consequently good leaders.
  6. Positive people handle stress better which leads to better health and a longer life.
  7. Positive people are more pleasant to be around.
  8. Positive people generally have more energy and creativity.

 

You see, people with a positive attitude really are happier than those who have slipped into a pattern of thinking negatively. Continuing to focus on everything that is wrong and feeling guilty for not being able to fix it will never lead to a positive attitude. Stop beating yourself up and use these three steps to get started on the path to a positive attitude today.

1)      Make the conscious and deliberate decision to be positive. If you are going to succeed you need to take this effort seriously.

  1.  It is always helpful to have a partner to support you but if you choose to do it alone tell someone close to you what you are doing. Ask for their support in ways that will help you. Perhaps they could let you know when you are being negative or be there to help you pivot out of a negative mood when you are having a bad day.
  2. As with any goal write out your intention “I choose to be positive” and place it where you can see it often. You might want to put it on an index card, post it on your computer or in the front of the day timer if you carry one.
  3. Commit to a specific time frame and decide how you will track your progress and how you will know if you have succeeded.
  4. Schedule small or large, (even better) rewards for yourself to keep you motivated.

2)      Reduce the stress in your life! A tall order for some, I know, but try to start your program when you are not “overbooked and understaffed” as I like to say! Regardless of what you are trying to achieve it is easier to accomplish if you don’t feel like you are being chased by a pack of wolves throughout your day.

3)      Surround yourself with positive people. This sounds so trite but it really is important. Each of us has people in our lives that tend to suck our energy and those who seem to bolster us up. Try to spend as much time in the company of and speaking with those who always seem to make you laugh and feel good!

  1. Plan a weekly coffee clutch or even a three way phone call with your most positive friends. Pick a subject like sharing the funniest thing that happened this week or the nicest things that were said to each of you.
  2. Organize a book club and choose a really funny or positive book to discuss each week or month.
  3. How long has it been since you planned a progressive dinner with your positive friends?
  4. How about a hike that ends with a picnic? Exercise is wonderful for the body and mind!

Thinking positively takes a lot less energy than the alternative. They say it takes 21 days to create a habit. Start today and at the end of three weeks you could be in the habit of thinking positively. Something wonderful occurs when one thinks positively; you begin to see possibilities everywhere!

Posted by Deborah Hayes at 1:17 pm Tagged with: , , , ,

Positive Attitude and Staying Fired Up

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Oct 132010

When I was young my mother used to repeat a familiar saying… “Birds of a feather all flock together.” Generally she used this saying when she did not want me to date a certain person. Someone she felt was too old for me, or too wild, or too whatever!   Of course I thought she was just being strict and didn’t really know what she was talking about but when I became a mother all that old fashioned advice suddenly made perfect sense. In fact it was then when I realized how many times she saved me from taking a wrong path. Sound familiar? Of course we may chuckle at some of the advice we were given “back then” but a lot of what we were told is literally ‘golden’ and apparently timeless.

The truth is what we surround ourselves with, from people to thoughts, is what we become and it has a big impact on our attitude and mood.    Such sound and simple advice we freely give to our children and yet, as adults, it’s easy to forget the significance it holds for us.

For instance, years ago when I was learning to play golf I played with people who were much better than I. In fact I often wound up playing with a scratch golfer. Later, my golf mates became people who were more at my level and the difference in my game was apparent. On the days I played with the better golfers my game was markedly better. The next week when I joined my contemporaries, my game and score were worse.

It’s not just sports; think of groups and friends you have shared time with and recall how your interests and vocabulary eventually matched theirs as you became ‘one of the groups.’

This is not rocket science. It is the reason you become bored when you join your husband or mate’s working friends for a night out. Somehow they are engrossed in discussions about their job, industry and people you don’t know and you are absolutely bored to tears and vice versa when he joins you with your girlfriends or workmates.

So we know this but how is it that most of the time we don’t notice when things or people are sucking our energy and lowering our enthusiasm?

As an experiment, the next time you happen to notice you aren’t motivated and are having trouble staying positive take a day and consciously notice the negativity you are encountering. On the day you choose, either take a recorder or make a point to STOP during the day and note who and what is negative.

  • Is it someone who constantly has a negative comeback for everything you comment on?
  • Is it spending time with someone who is self depreciating? Trying to pump someone up who is simultaneously trying to drag you down to their energy level is drain-ing!
  • Is it a place that you may or may not have to spend time in that is full of sad or negative people?
  • Is it music you happen to be listening to on a regular basis?
  • Is it television? (don’t get me started)

Take notes on this day and see just how much negativity you are exposing yourself to and what it’s doing to your attitude. What are you saying to yourself as a result?

Now for the last part of the experiment, on the very next day plan a power positive day. Make a commitment and conscious effort to surround yourself only with the people and things that bring you joy.

  • Make a date with one or two of your most fun and positive friends.
  • Pick up or rent a couple of feel good movies that are your favorites.
  • Purposely listen to music that makes you want to move and feel good. Upbeat stuff.
  • Plan to do one exercise activity on this day as well, even a short walk.
  • Make it a point to visit a special gallery, park or store you love to browse in.
  • Read an inspiring book or finally tackle that creative craft or project you’ve been planning.

Expose yourself to as much positive energy as you can on this day. Then make notes about how you feel and what your attitude and energy level are on this day and compare the two.

These days our worlds are complicated and busy. So much so that we fail to hear or notice the negativity that surrounds us and the subtle symptoms we experience as our energy and attitude lower. Rare is the person who can withstand being surrounded with negative energy and still maintain a positive perspective. Of course it’s impossible to completely avoid every negative person or environment. However if you want to stay fired up and maintain a positive attitude be aware and careful of the kind of energy you’re subjecting yourself to. Balance the negative with healthy and strong doses of positive thoughts, people and activities. This conscious effort will help you to develop and maintain your positive attitude!

Posted by Deborah Hayes at 1:14 pm Tagged with: , ,

Want a Positive Attitude? You’ll Need to Change Your Habits

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Oct 132010

It’s not enough to want change, you have to take risks. You have to be prepared and motivated enough to leave the comfort of what you know and move willingly into that very scary place… the unknown.

Yikes! That sounds ominous doesn’t it? It really isn’t all that scary but there are some very real hurdles one needs to overcome.

One of those hurdles to successfully making a habit change is the fear of taking a risk. Not the bungee jump off a cliff kind of risk… well maybe that wouldn’t hurt but actually I’m talking about  another kind of risk.

This kind of risk makes you uncomfortable in your core identity.  Like suddenly losing your go to, I’m fine here, I know this place and everything that happens here is ok if not spectacular, no surprises kind of comfort level that over the years is the mental place you have lived in. Yes, that would be stepping out of your comfort zone and staying there.

I used to think it was just me but I have since discovered there are actual studies that show when a decision is difficult, most people will go with the status quo or choose to do nothing. And you know, when I read about this it made perfect sense to me. In fact this very principle happens to me daily; I am guessing if you think about it you have encountered this too.

As an example, my wireless contract has expired and the offer for newer, trickier gadget laden phones has appeared on my cell phone three times now. Each time I consider it, realize I don’t totally understand the differences in the new phones and the dread of having to learn how to work the new phone enters my mind. Guess what I do? I quickly think my phone still works, I know how to work it and I just don’t want to have to deal with it right now; and I do nothing! This process takes about 3 minutes. Sound familiar?

Now think about this process when you are trying to change a part of your personality that has been your comfort zone for years. Really think about what it would take to decide and commit to changing something as central to “who you are” as your attitude!

Now this is hard, or at least it has been for me. I have tackled a number of bad habits, large and small, including working on being a more positive person over the past few years and here is what I discovered that has made a difference for me:

You need to be clear about what you want to change. Take the time to write your vision of what life or ‘you’ will be like when you complete this change. What will the advantages be and exactly how will your life change.  Make sure this change is what YOU want and you are not doing it for someone else. If you don’t own it you will have a difficult time hanging on to it!  

 It takes serious commitment.  You need to really really want this change, believe that it will make your life better and understand the reasons why you want this.  Write these down and keep them handy so you can refer to them when you might want to slip. You need a support system. Tell someone your plan; enlist a friend or someone to be your accountability partner.

You need to plan. Decide when you will begin and when you will know you have succeeded. Consider what obstacles you will encounter and WRITE a plan to overcome EACH obstacle. This is an important part of the plan. How will you deal with the overwhelming desire to retreat back to your comfort zone when you begin to feel the pressure of being out of the zone?   How you will stop yourself, realize its happening and work through it so you don’t simply revert back to the status quo!

Track your progress daily. If you are not committed enough to take the time to write your progress down you are probably not committed enough to make it happen. You need to invest your time and effort. Keep a Journal, spreadsheet or whatever works for you and keep it positive.  Maintain your motivation with plenty of rewards. By the way, some of the best rewards cost nothing!

Here is what I found is most important. Be gentle with yourself. Realize that you are not perfect and when you do slip up, it’s OK. The important thing is to learn from the experience, why you fell off and try again. Consider why you slipped, add this to your obstacle list and plan a way to overcome this if it happens again.  Go back to the reasons you want this and get back on track as soon as possible. If you fall off, don’t wait another week. Get back to your plan quickly. Reward yourself for going back and don’t waste time and energy on beating yourself up. When you feel bad about yourself you are not likely to succeed.

Changing habits isn’t as hard as you think if you are truly committed and have a plan. You can do this. Once you replace your negative habit with a new positive habit it becomes the go to comfort zone and you will no longer feel uncomfortable there.

Posted by Deborah Hayes at 1:07 pm Tagged with: , , ,
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